Well, I know that once I went back to work I pretty much fell off the face of the Earth! First of all, the beginning of the school year just got crazy! It's always super busy, but we also have 2 new teachers on our team this year that I try to help when they have questions, etc. THEN in September my computer completely died... wouldn't even boot. I had to rely on Chris to let me us his laptop to check e-mails and stuff. This kept me from getting on here, and honestly I just got out of the habit! I got a new laptop in November, but I have drug my feet on getting back on here.
So why now? Well, it really started last week when I had to leave work instead of being able to complete my parent teacher conferences because I was having chest pain, weird feelings in my wrist, and shallow breathing. I spent 5 hours at the ER (90% of it waiting!) to see what was wrong. I thought it was an anxiety attack, but they wanted to rule out heart issues or a blood clot in my lung. Luckily, I was right and it was a panic attack. This was a huge wake up call though because I always expect the worst because I know that I'm out of shape. This scared me, but it didn't seem to be the push I needed to get back on track.
Then last night Chris was working late, and I was looking for something to watch on TV after I put my son to bed while I was putting in my report card grades. I was looking for something On Demand, and I decided to watch an episode of Extreme Weight Loss. I have watched it before and been amazed, but this particular episode hit too close to home. It was a young woman with a young son about the same age as mine. She was talking about how she had dealt with this her whole life and always said she was going to change things but never did. She then said that during her first pregnancy, she lost her first child when she had to give birth at 5 months pregnant and the baby died after 2 hours simply because her body was too big to support the pregnancy. As a mom who wants to have another baby in the next year or two, this was a scary thought! Then she started crying talking about how she has wasted 4 years of her son's life not being able to play with him and run after him the way she wanted to and that she needs to be the best mom for him and their future children. This is the point when I started crying hysterically because I could completely relate. There have been 2 instances in the last few weeks where he's been playing on the playground equipment and I wanted to swing or slide with him but couldn't because I was too big. I also love amusement park rides, and he's now getting to the age where he wants to do some of those things, and I can't ride all the rides I used to be able to.
I saw a pin on Pinterest the other day that said something about would you pick the satisfaction of food cravings for a few minutes or the satisfaction of living your dreams for a lifetime. There are already so many things I know I have missed out on in my life because of my weight that I will never get back (high school pictures, being a cheerleader, looking thin in my wedding pictures, etc.), but there are still so many experiences ahead that I could still change! One thing I would really like is to have my next baby at a normal weight. With my son, I loved being pregnant and feeling him grow inside me, but I was sad that you couldn't see it on the outside. I just looked like I was gaining a little weight up until I was about 34 weeks! Overweight and obese people also don't feel their babies kick as early because they are so light at first and it has to get through all those layers of fat. I don't want to just be the fat girl who might be pregnant with my next one! Another goal I have is to be able to ride all the rides with my son when we finally take him to Disneyworld in the next few years. Or wear a cute swimsuit (maybe even a bikini) on a vacation!
So now what? My husband and I have agreed to begin doing our meal planning a week in advance and start grocery shopping a week at a time so that we can get more fresh fruits and vegetables that won't go bad before we get to them. I am also thinking about trying to incorporate some Paleo diet type of meals into our family meals to see if this would work for our family. Even if we don't do it 100% of the time, some is better than nothing! My goal is also to do some type of physical activity every day. Even if it's not actually working out by running on the treadmill or going to a Zumba class, even taking a walk as a family or running around the playground with Jameson is more than I do now! If the girl just like me on Extreme Weight Loss can lose 165 pounds in a year, there should be no excuse for me to not lose at least a portion of that. (The same would be unrealistic... they worked out like 4 hours a day and had their trainer live with them for 3 months!)
